My Heart Is Broken 

In a million tiny pieces. My sweet Callie is in Heaven with her Grandma & Grandpa, her older sister Kissy, and her three aunties – Coco, Pixie, and Boo.  

The house seems so empty. In her healthy days, she was almost always happy. Thunderstorms and similar noises made her anxious; but she was happy otherwise. I miss that gorgeous golden tail swishing back and forth in her happy, puppy dreams.

I sat on the exam room floor, next to the bed that Lorraine and Anna made out of blankets on the floor for Callie. I sat there, leaning over my girl and kissing her sweet head and telling her “Mama loves you sweet girl” over and over while I waited for Sam, Shadow and Ducky to join us in the room.

I don’t think Shadow quite understands yet that Callie isn’t coming home from the hospital this time. She was in the exam room with us while the vet gave Callie the final needle – as she has been so many times – but after laying next to Callie for a few minutes, she moved to her “safe spot” behind the bench where Sam was sitting. And that’s where she stayed until we got up to come home. She didn’t sniff at Callie as we walked past her lifeless body.

Ducky jumped off Sam’s lap and walked calmly over to Callie and gave her three puppy kisses on her face and then walked back to Sam. Sam was sitting on the bench, fighting back tears.

I stayed on the floor, next to Callie, stroking her beautiful golden fur and telling her we all love her throughout her final moments and a few moments afterward. When I stood up to stretch a bit, the vet held me in a hug as he told us how sorry he is that he couldn’t do anything more to help our girl. And Kim, one of us his vet techs, gave me a hug too. When I finally walked out of the exam room with Shadow, I fought back more tears so I could see to drive home. As I reached the front desk, I saw Lorraine’s tears and my own started flowing again. Everyone there loved Callie. And she loved them right back.

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42 thoughts on “My Heart Is Broken 

  1. Patricia says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry. I feel the tears. Callie knows, and she is okay now. She is with all our lost loved ones, and her spiritual essence will always be in you and all around you. I know you will sense it, too. I am thinking of you and your family during this tough time. Maybe Callie will meet Rook and Cirrus with waggy tails.

  2. Patricia says:

    I will tell Rook and Cirrus to go find her, too. They are in a special place we can’t see. But they will make their presence known to us, here and there, now and then.

  3. Sand Spring Chesapeakes says:

    My heart is breaking for you, I am ever so sorry to read about Callie. You and your family have my deepest sympathy. I’m sorry you didn’t get more time with her with the chemo. She is pain free running with her family over the rainbow bridge. Big hugs!

  4. somethingwagging says:

    Our hearts are aching too. You described your girls so sweetly that I felt I knew Callie. And I know your stories came from a place of deep, deep love.

    Blessings to you, Sam, Shadow, and Ducky as you muddle through your days without sweet Callie.

  5. Jan K says:

    My heart breaks for you too, Sue, and your whole family. I love that you were all there with Callie in her final moments. It sounds like your vet and vet techs are wonderful caring people and I hope that was a help.
    Like JoAnn, I am sorry that the chemo did not help so that you could have more time with her. Hopefully your wonderful memories will help you through this difficult time. Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs, wishing I had some magical words to ease your pain.

  6. Pooch Smooches says:

    I’m so sorry. When we help end their pain, ours is just beginning. It’s a long road ahead but I hope that sooner than you’d think, you’ll begin to remember her with more smiles than tears.

  7. Donna O. says:

    I’m so very sorry Sue. I hope sweet memories of your happier days together carry you through this difficult time. Hugs to all of you, and know that we are thinking of you.

  8. Tails Around the Ranch says:

    Sadly this week has had me behind the 8-ball and I’m just now catching up on posts. I am so very sorry to hear this sad news. Reading it took my breath away only to e replaced with tears. It’s always so hard when we have to say good-bye to those fur-angels that seem ton only be on loan to us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers while tender memories of your sweet friend comfort you. Sam sends healing puppy for you and your fur-kids as well. ❤

    • My Golden Life says:

      Thanks Monika – and Sam!! Your thoughts and prayers and puppy kisses mean a lot to me, to all of us!

      I spent part of the afternoon getting caught up myself today, so I understand.

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