My Heart Is Broken

In a million tiny pieces. My sweet Callie is in Heaven with her Grandma & Grandpa, her older sister Kissy, and her three aunties – Coco, Pixie, and Boo.  

The house seems so empty. In her healthy days, she was almost always happy. Thunderstorms and similar noises made her anxious; but she was happy otherwise. I miss that gorgeous golden tail swishing back and forth in her happy, puppy dreams.

I sat on the exam room floor, next to the bed that Lorraine and Anna made out of blankets on the floor for Callie. I sat there, leaning over my girl and kissing her sweet head and telling her “Mama loves you sweet girl” over and over while I waited for Sam, Shadow and Ducky to join us in the room.

I don’t think Shadow quite understands yet that Callie isn’t coming home from the hospital this time. She was in the exam room with us while the vet gave Callie the final needle – as she has been so many times – but after laying next to Callie for a few minutes, she moved to her “safe spot” behind the bench where Sam was sitting. And that’s where she stayed until we got up to come home. She didn’t sniff at Callie as we walked past her lifeless body.

Ducky jumped off Sam’s lap and walked calmly over to Callie and gave her three puppy kisses on her face and then walked back to Sam. Sam was sitting on the bench, fighting back tears.

I stayed on the floor, next to Callie, stroking her beautiful golden fur and telling her we all love her throughout her final moments and a few moments afterward. When I stood up to stretch a bit, the vet held me in a hug as he told us how sorry he is that he couldn’t do anything more to help our girl. And Kim, one of us his vet techs, gave me a hug too. When I finally walked out of the exam room with Shadow, I fought back more tears so I could see to drive home. As I reached the front desk, I saw Lorraine’s tears and my own started flowing again. Everyone there loved Callie. And she loved them right back.