A Difficult Month

It was a month ago this morning that hubby, Shadow, Ducky, and I said goodbye to our sweet girl, Callie, and let her go to cross the Rainbow Bridge.

Whether or not the Rainbow Bridge exists doesn’t really matter.  It’s the belief that when my own time comes to leave this earth, my sweet girls – Kissy, Callie, and whichever of my pups go before me – will be there waiting for me that makes saying goodbye here a bit easier.

Callie’s spirit is always here with me in one way or another; but there are days – like today – I just want so much to be able to bury my face in the soft, golden fur of her neck ruff and tell her “I love you sweet girl”. Or watch Ducky try to hump her back leg while she’s trying to sleep. Or watch her clean Shadow’s eyes and ears and forehead and then just snuggle with her.

I just miss my girl so much it hurts. And, as much as I try to help Shadow adjust, I know it has to be even harder for her and on her. After all, with the exception of the nights of Callie’s two ACL surgeries, they always slept together from Shadow’s first night with us at seven weeks old.  Callie slept on the carpeted side of the gate  in the kitchen door to keep her company, even though she had already earned the privilege of sleeping in our bedroom with us.  We didn’t have a crate in the kitchen – just a dog bed and a slew of puppy pee pads – so most mornings I found Shadow sleeping on one side of the gate and Callie on the other. (Until Shadow figured out how to climb up and over the gate.  🙂   But that’s a post for another day.)

We have good days when we can think of Callie and smile or laugh without tears.  And days like today when every little – or big – thing that reminds us of Callie’s time with us necessitates a full box of Kleenex.  Eventually, I know, the good days will outnumber the ones like today.  But for now, writing blog posts like this helps me get through the difficult days.  Knowing I have friends and family who understand, in this pet blogging community and outside of it, helps too.

Now, before I “sign off” for the day, let me thank our co-hosts of the Thursday Barks & Bytes Blog Hop, Jodi at Heart Like A Dog and Linda at 2 Brown Dawgs.

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38 thoughts on “A Difficult Month

  1. Dolly the Doxie says:

    So sorry to hear about Callie. Thinking that we will be waiting for you always give mom comfort so I hope it gives you some comfort too. Love Dolly

  2. Jan K says:

    I just want to give both you and Shadow a big hug. Our golden Moses has been gone for over 2 years now and I still think about hugging him – he was such a big furry love, and I often came up behind him and just hugged him around the neck.
    He also used to clean Sheba’s ears, that’s such a sweet thing!
    I know after a month it hasn’t gotten that much easier, but I’m glad that knowing that Callie and Kissy are waiting for you gives you some of the comfort you need.

    • My Golden Life says:

      Virtual hugs accepted and very much appreciated! Shadow would go into a submissive rollover and give you her paw but that’s her way of being affectionate and saying thank you. (((SMILES))). Tomorrow IS Another Day (thank you, Scarlett O’Hara, for that reminder. And the first day of hopefully a better month. Maybe your Moses is playing with Callie and Kissy as I write this.

  3. somethingwagging says:

    Long after Honey came home with us I still started the day looking at my Shadow’s picture on my computer screen and saying out loud, “I miss Shadow.”

    Losing a loved animal is the club so many of us belong to that we’d never wish on ourselves or anyone else.

    I’m glad you have some joy in thinking about being reunited with the ones you’ve loved. But for now, you still have some adorable memories and pictures (I loved the one on the post). ❤

    • My Golden Life says:

      Some time after Callie’s first birthday, I put together an “album” on Snapfish of my memories of Kissy. At some point, I will do the same for Callie. I have a zillion photos and video clips saved to Snapfish between Callie, Shadow, and Ducky. For now, though, the blog will serve the purpose.

      Over this past year, I’ve taken a bunch of pix of Callie and Shadow snuggling. Little did I know how much those same photos would mean to me now. I’m glad you love the one I chose for this post.

  4. Paved by Paw Prints says:

    I’m so sorry about Callie. It’s so hard to lose one of our little babies. The thought of being reunited really helps me when I still think of my pups that have passed. It will get easier with time, but for now give Ducky and Shadow lots of cuddles! Keeping you and your family in my thoughts x

    • My Golden Life says:

      I find that putting my feelings in writing really helps to ease the knife-in-the-heart pain. I can handle the dull ache most of the time. And the memories? Oh, the memories! Eleven-plus years worth. I blog about them because I’m afraid that as I get older, my only available memory will be on the blog, on a disc (or thumb drive), or in old photos tucked away in boxes I’ll have forgotten about. :/

  5. Donna O. says:

    I am so sorry you are hurting so much as you write this. Your love for Callie (and Shadow’s love too) shines through in every word. I hope tomorrow will be a bit brighter for both of you, and that each day going forward, you continue to heal.

  6. Julie says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a steep price to pay for the love of a dog, losing them too soon. Their lives are so short and they mean so much and leave footprints on our hearts forever. I miss my Daisy so very much and she died 2 1/2 years ago. I think it is wonderful in a way that we love them so much and they make their way into our souls in such an amazing way. I want her to live on in the lessons she taught me and it is part of the reason I started a blog. And I know Daisy will be waiting for me. Callie is there for you too. Sending comfort and peaceful thoughts to you.

    • My Golden Life says:

      Thank you, Julie. I started blogging as a way of journaling my life with my GoldenGirls. I wanted to have a way to remember special moments with them long after they’d gone to Heaven. Callie’s spirit is always with me now. But maybe she’s also playing with your Daisy.

  7. Patricia says:

    I feel your sadness, and it reminds me of my own pain in missing Rook and Cirrus. Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it’s not, even as we now have Shasta and Cedar. Here’s hoping that even as you feel the love and the yearning, you will find peace and joy, because they do represent peace and joy.

  8. Jodi says:

    Thanks for adding this to the blog hop Sue.

    Good days and bad days and eventually the good days will outweigh the bad, until then it’s hard though, you’ve lost a family member, of course there will be milestones, special days when they are missed more than others.

    And when you do have bad days, think back and remember the love. Because the hurt is only as intense as the love was.

    Hugs to you my friend.

  9. Patricia says:

    I have heard Jodi’s comment before, “the hurt is only as intense as the love was,” or something similar to that. I have heard big waves hit around the change of seasons, which has been true for me. At least knowing that helps me understand why it hurts more at certain times of the year. May we all be comforted knowing they were special gifts from the Great Spirit, and that we will all be together again.

  10. Tails Around the Ranch says:

    Thinking of you and your sweet Callie and sending positive puppy energy. It’s been 13 years since my last Standard Poodle crossed the bridge and I still have moments when I’m weepy. Once I realize he will always occupy a spot in my heart, I’m somewhat comforted but still miss that big guy. Have the same reaction with the passed OES’s too. Think they are all just on loan from heaven but still find some days are tougher than others. I hope the energy that Sam and I are sending help you through them. ❤

  11. Groovy Goldendoodles says:

    Losing a pet has to be “the” most difficult loss ever! I can’t figure it out, but it hurts like hell and cuts deep. Many hugs to you, I’ve been down this road too – you will make it, but it takes a lot of time. So sorry for your loss.

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